Life seems like a pile of struggles one after the next. I’m trying to make ends meet.

My boss attempts to oppress me by checking in on my every move, I have adult children making insane decisions and a kid who decided not to come home after school. I crawl down to the church house with the hopes of leaving with some level of sanity, instead I leave feeling empty as the church setting was all about countless fundraisers needed to help the freaking community.

Am I not the community?  My home is on fire! Can anyone tell through my partial fake smile or does my lip liner, eye shadow and oversized eye lashes disguise it all?

Part of me wants to walk away from all this madness but my brain battles with two conflictual thoughts of freedom. The 800 numbers call my phone to the point I feel they should be in charge of paying my damn cell phone bill before Verizon pulls the plug on it.

Although I cannot afford it, to feel a bit better, I take my empty gas tank; run red lights to get to a nail salon for a manicure and pedicure before the tight eyed lady locks the door for the night. As the massage chair beat the hell out of my back it feels so good yet hurt at the same time. Sorta how I feel about my thoughts of leaving things all behind. Part of me can imagine a space of freedom not carrying the burdens of many and then the painful thought of leaving what is familiar, frightens me.

This vicious cycle in my mind continues yet I came to experience the pedicure as a relaxation moment but clearly these racing thoughts won’t stop. In essence my mind never relaxed during this time but at least I finished with cute nails and glammed toes, banging a toe ring that exposes the hippy side of me.

How About You: Do you experience fake “self care” moments in which your intent is to relax but life’s struggles hold your mind hostage? You find yourself going on expensive “getaway trips” only to find out that which you are trying to escape is within; deeply embedded within.

What can you do today to free your mind? Do that one thing.

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