Feels like I am eating my pain away but like drugs once food is digested pain sit in my face still. Like it just wont leave me alone. I mean Im the person in the business of problem solving but this problem seems far to complex. I dont have the strength or ability to breathe life in to that which is said to be dead. Even the most strongest super hero power source cant win in this power struggle. Theres no online app that I can download my way out of. The pain pills given by dr. Dont agree with my tummy instead of resolving pain it add pain to the point of knocking me to my knees. Everybody says to be strong but what does that look like or feel like? Pain seems to be my way of life…one way or another bailing one outta pain while drowing in my own. The fixer of things broken but cant seem to fix this pain. What if just what if being strong just aint enough unless of course Im not pushing the right button of strength. Im too weak to play around with the buttons of life; on switch off switch; flicker flatter, eat and eat some more and still no resolve.

Then I rolled over out of this hell hole only to find out Ive been fighting with the wrong sword…..

When being strong just aint enough is a sure sign of trying to play mini God in my own life and in fact likely also in the lives of those I care deeply about. This explain such mental fatigue; such doom and gloom over my hardships. Im no super hero cause if I was I would definetely restore back my 3 lost pregnancies that I so looked forward to.nurturing. Now I am left here alone to learn how to nurture my own soul which I dont think I really no how to do for myself as well as I can do for others.

This road to strength is a journey that I must take cause my life and sanity sits on the other side of this healing!